Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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