Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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