It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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