Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
