Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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