hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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