I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
