Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
