also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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