god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
