We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
