He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
