Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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