Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
