i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
