Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING