hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes