dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.