Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
