you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize