i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
