She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
