i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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