after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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