The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
