then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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