I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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