the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
she looked like the before picture.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
