Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
