i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Randomize
