3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
