I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
