Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
