I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
