You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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