You're so nebulous sometimes
look no pants
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
