look no pants
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
