Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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