Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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