U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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