I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
