I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
