tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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