We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
