I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
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So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
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Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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