Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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