my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
