How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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