ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
