you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
