I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
