Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
