I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
