If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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