Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
