so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
