I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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