one word: firstdatebathroomanal
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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