well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
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Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
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I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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