dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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