don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
