So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
