If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
